No relationship has never not needed maintenance before. Both people in a marriage commit mistakes as no one is perfect. But the important thing is to learn how to reconnect and recover after a fight.
Test The Waters.
Sometimes you don’t have to say anything to say sorry as saying something might even worsen the situation. A simple hug or squeeze of their knee would be more than enough. Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC used to say, “Relationships in and of themselves do not create mental illness.” However, he adds, “When we suffer in our relationships, it can be difficult to move forward from past hurt and trauma.”
Focus On The Positive.
Stop dwelling on the negative side and look for the silver lining in the cloud. Look for anything positive even if it’s about the weather. Couples who have more positive interactions than negative ones are more likely to be satisfied in their marriage.
Practice Saying Encouraging Words.
“Harsh words are just as damaging whether they come from someone else or whether they come from you,” says licensed psychologist Cindy T. Graham, PhD. So don’t look for the negative, instead, say something useful. If you’re going through a problem, try saying, “It may be hard, but at least we’re together.” Always compliment your spouse and appreciate their hard work.
Find Humor In Almost Everything.
When talking about humor, it’s supposed to be the good kind of humor rather than the one that can hurt others. Your marriage would last longer if the two of you find humor in situations and turn them into positive outcomes.
Keeps Things In Perspective.
Don’t sweat or worry too much about the small problems. The big issues are the ones like having a terminal disease or death of a loved one. If it’s a problem that you know that can be solved, just know that you can overcome it. Years later, you’ll be looking back at it with a laugh at how stupid the argument was.
Always Have A Plan B.
Ask and offer for alternatives and solutions. If you don’t know what to say in a situation, try to ask each other what you should do. Not only will it give you the chance to regroup your thoughts and think about the issue well, but it can also lighten up the mood.
Walk It Off!
If you guys have an emotional fight or argument, try to walk it off by going to the park with the kids. This gives you the chance to cool your head and give each other space. Do something else to get your mind off of the issue. Maybe get the bathtub running and put in some essential oils there to relax before talking again.
Distraction Is Sometimes Good.
It would be good to find a distraction when you are upset at each other. Try to go out to the movies, coffee shop, or do anything that would get the anger out of your mind. Choose to take out those emotions on something better like your hobbies than taking it out on each other. “Become aware of your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Mindfulness is the main goal here, and bottling up emotions won’t do any good.” Heather Edwards LMHC, NCC, BCC said.
If you know that you are the reason for the meltdown, then don’t hesitate to apologize. Don’t let your ego get to you by not apologizing as it will only make the situation worse than normal. One scenario would be how a woman got upset and mad at her husband for thinking that he wasn’t doing anything for her birthday. The husband also contributed to the problem by overstressing about the situation from trying to keep the birthday party a secret from her. But when the husband finally managed to pull the surprise, the woman apologized first and in front of the guests. Remember that if you caused a big emotional meltdown, your apology should also be significant. Try to be creative in apologizing especially if that’s the case but make sure it’s still sincere.
Keep Short Accounts.
Don’t try to keep grudges in your relationship. Couples who work it out and let go of the past feel more refreshed towards each other. On the other hand, those who keep grudges on every little thing will often fight, and it can lead to more significant arguments.