This whole mental and emotional fiasco that I have been dealing with for the past couple of weeks has already reached its limits. I am so goddamn frustrated about everything, and all I can blame for this messed-up situation is no other than my husband. Our whole situation is uncontrollable, and still, he doesn’t seem to care. What can I do? I need help right now!
That is the thing; nothing happened. It was all of a sudden that my partner began to lose all interest in communication. It is as if he entirely never wanted to keep in touch about everything in his life and that he required nobody to be around him anymore. It was all confusing because he was the type of person who would often talk about his problems whenever he felt the need for discussion. My husband has always prioritized expressing his thoughts and feelings ever since. Therefore, it was such a big surprise for me that he seemed so aloof and detached nowadays.
At first, I thought that maybe he just wanted to have some space to have some alone time. I was considerate to give my partner all the time and space he needed because that is what I thought healthy at some amount. But unfortunately, I never realized that the more I allowed my husband to be alone, the more I gave him the right to isolate himself. So now I was wondering, was it my entire fault that he turned out to be so distant to everyone, including me?
The Struggle I Currently Deal With
Apparently, there are instances that I can pretty much say I connect with my husband, especially when we are talking about our children’s needs. But when we try and discuss current thoughts and feelings for only the two of us, he would immediately shrug off some of my concerned questions. Sadly, my husband’s actions made me think that perhaps I did something wrong that made him treat me indifferently. That is why he often responded to me negatively. It hurts a lot because I was not used to his antics like that. I wished I knew what was going on.
Unfortunately, the heartaches and confusion didn’t end there. In fact, ever since my husband began slowly moving away from me, I developed these mental illnesses that I never knew I could have. I struggled with severe anxiety and depression because I overthink a lot. I became so frustrated and worried about things that seemed too impossible to happen. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown just because I can’t seem to unravel what was going on in my husband’s head.
At times, the things between my husband and me are tolerable. There are instances that we smiled at each other and discussed a few things about the future. But then again, when the topic turned around and start to open a series of questions regarding our married life, my husband would immediately shut down whatever it is that connects to the subject. I told myself that I should get used to that because it was probably nothing to worry about. Thus, I learned to ignore those particular scenarios. Unfortunately, that was a mistake.
The Real Problem Revealed
It was almost past midnight, and I was preparing myself to go to bed. My husband was already lying down, so I thought he was asleep. But right after I got into the bed, he woke up and straightly told me that we need to talk. My heart was racing that time, and I felt so nervous. I was not expecting to see his reaction with a serious facial expression. I calmed myself and asked him, “okay” what was it all about? Then he said, “I want a divorce,” and that hit me. It all made sense.
I replied by saying “okay” and lay down to bed. I was so certain that my partner was confused about my reaction, but I didn’t care. Because honestly, I knew it would come to that part where one of us would break the bad news sooner or later. I didn’t expect the whole situation to be, so stress relieving.
I never asked my husband for his reason for wanting a divorce because I find it unnecessary. His actions said it all, so there is nothing I would want to hear anymore. It is funny, though, that I didn’t feel that much emotional pain after hearing those words. I guess I managed to endure so much mental torture that the results came out normal as I expected they would due to the cold treatment. But I believed I still need to seek professional help because I want to understand my emotions. I also want to deal with communication issues that I might unnoticingly have.